If the thought of having to do staff appraisals is something that stresses you out, cast an eye over these gems plucked from real employee appraisals over the years.
“It takes him two hours to watch sixty minutes.”
“Gargled from the fountain of knowledge. ”
“If you stand close enough to him you can hear the oceans. ”
“If you gave him a penny for his thoughts you’d get change.”
“If he were any more stupid he’d have to be watered twice a week.”
“Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it.”
“Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.”
“Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.”
“A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.”
“If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he’s the other one.”
“He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.”
“He has a knack for making strangers immediately.”
“He would argue with a signpost.”
“He’s been working with glue too much.”
“When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.”
“Not so much of a ‘hasbeen’, more of a definite ‘won’t be’.”
“People would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.”
“He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.”
“This person has delusions of adequacy.”
“Since my last report, he has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig.”
“Sets low standards and consistently fails to achieve them.”
“Has the wisdom of youth and the energy of old age.”
“Works well under constant supervision and when cornered like a rat in a trap.”